How to shift from scarcity to abundance

If you’ve lately found yourself feeling like you’re the last one in a long line to get a cookie from the jar, you’ve fallen into what I like to call the “scarcity trap.” It happens to all of us. Here’s why: we’re hardwired to always be alert to potential dangers in our world to make sure we survive. It’s like we’re walking through the woods and all we can do is watch out for poison ivy, bear tracks and  and quicksand instead of relaxing to look up from the ground to enjoy the beautiful nature around us. 

And the trickier thing about this mindset is that it has a snowball effect. The more we do it, the better and better we get at obsessing about things that never happen. 

Abundance is a beautiful thing
There are lots of ways to pry that scarcity trap off your brain, but my very favorite and simple solution is doing a gratitude journal. It’s a sure-fire way to retrain your brain to focus on what you have versus what you lack. All it takes is a pen, some paper and a few minutes of quiet.
 
I like gratitude journaling because it keeps you present. It's like blessing your food. No one says, “God we're eating meatloaf today, and we will be so gracious if you allow us to have it tomorrow as well. Amen.” NO! You just say thank you for what's right in front of you today. If you extend this act to the rest of you life, you'll change your life forever. You'll notice that you always have everything you need (and often much more than you need).

Get your gratitude on
So here’s my little science project for you. Do a gratitude journal for 30 days. Write down what you're grateful for before you go to bed every night. Or if you want to bring your partner in on this, tell each other what you’re grateful for before you go to sleep. It’s magic. It works on the brain just like studying late night did back in college: the last thing your read is the first thing that you remember upon waking. 

And wouldn't it be awesome to wake up with with these kind of thoughts in my mind? People always mention how they love my smile..........my puppy helps me connect with my neighbors.........the dude at the coffee shop has my coffee drink waiting when I walk in the door............fresh basil makes me feel skinny..........there is freaking beauty in an excel spread sheet. 

Whew. I feel better already...how about you?
 
A word of caution: This is powerful stuff. When you start living in the present and practice gratitude, before you know it, you’ll be living a life that you thought only happened on TV (and no, don’t worry, I’m not talking about any of those Real Housewives shows!). 

I’d love to hear ways you’ve found to fight the scarcity trap. Tell me about it in the comments!

Be peace, be love,
Jerome!

Q&A Tuesday: I need to exercise, but UCK!

Dear Jerome,
I know I need to exercise, but uck, I look horrible in yoga pants and you should see my schedule--it's crazy! I need some serious inspiration to get me out of my office chair. What do you have for me?"
    -Rose

Dear Rose,
Your question made me think of a scene from one of my favorite movies of the last few years, The Kids are Alright. In the scene, Jules (Julianne Moore) and Paul (Mark Ruffalo) have just gotten it on, when Jules starts making negative comments about her own body. Paul says to her, “Don’t go negative on your a$$.” Almost every woman I know who has an extra 10 or 15 pounds also has a distorted body image. You need to listen to Paul! And me, of course, because I believe your body speaks of your AMAZINGNESS. Those extra 15 pounds? Those are 15 pounds of "I’m resourceful and productive all day  and devoted to raising two of the most amazing kids ever.“

Okay, that said: if you still feel like you need to drop those extra pounds (and get your head in a better place while you’re at it), I hear you. I know how much my own body and mind are healed when I’m exercising regularly.

But being fit when you work at desk all day requires a powerful energy source, one that starts with unconditional love and acceptance. And guess what: You dim this energy source every time you go negative on your a$$.

So the best way to get jump started is by loving yourself, or, as I call it, “wooing yourself.“ Wooing yourself is an activity that will save your life. 

It may seem radical, but just for a week, forget exercise—and, while you’re at it, drop the need to beat yourself up about it. What I want you do to is get your head right by writing down five ways you’re amazing and one way you’re lame each and every day. This will improve your love relationship with yourself no matter what size you are. 

That’s because self acceptance is the key. If you’re stressed out believing you’ve got to exercise, you’re simply adding another stressor—and a lot of shame—to a “problem” that is already a direct function of stressors and shame. How can a problem that is a consequence of too many stressors and shame be cured by adding stressors and shame?
And here’s where it gets really interesting.
Examine your list for the ways you were lame. If any these were tasks that landed outside your sphere of influence or are things that can be outsourced, do it. And like magic, you’ve just opened up your exercise time for the day. 
Which gives me one more opportunity to soap box. What the heck are you doing going to yoga if you’re self conscious about how you look in your Lululemon pants? If your workout of choice is a stressor, it’s not going to become a habit.
So if you’re feeling like the exercise you’ve chosen is an obligation, then choose something else. And remember: It’s okay to mess up and not look cute as long as you’re having a good time laughing at your mistakes.
I know it sounds paradoxical, but it’s true: Making time for getting and staying fit starts in your heart. It starts when you love yourself like you love everyone else. 
A word of caution: Be careful with the Wooing Yourself plan if you have not budgeted for new clothes!
Be peace, be love,
Jerome!

Three Ways to Give Procrastination a Smackdown

Are you deadline averse? Many of us are. Yeah, we can burn the midnight oil to make a “due tomorrow” deadline. But most people, including myself, find it soooo easy to distract yourself from the stuff you don’t love doing, which is what most days are made up of.

So let’s get on into the nitty gritty of how to get you off that procrastination hamster wheel.

Tip 1: Get cozy with the Premack Principle

So what to do when you’ve got a difficult proposal due in a couple of weeks or need to get your Quickbooks in order but just can seem to motivate? Get yourself intimately familiar with the Premack Principle. Created by psychologist David Premack, this theory is what your momma probably used to get you to eat your vegetables when you were growing up: it’s easier to get an unpleasant activity done if you have a pleasant activity  (going on Facebook, having a glass of wine with your husband, going to see that George Clooney movie) “scheduled” after. You can use this in your work—and in your life:  Make your bed before you have coffee or turn on that computer. Write those thank you notes on your honeymoon. Floss before having sex.

Tip 2: Recharge and Regroup

I know, it ain’t always Premack easy. The straight truth is you’re too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, and too Tired (I’m borrowing HALT from A.A.; it’s tool for monitoring relapse) to make another decision or even come close to doing the harder thing first. You just don’t have the juice for it.

Now’s the time to step down. Get some rest and some food. Have some intimate time with your spouse. Call Merry Maids to come clean your crib. Soak up Steven Covey’s Seven Habits. Then come back and put your life in order so that it’s easier to do the harder thing first. Take the drama out of leaving the house by having a place for keys. Fold one item for every item worn to stop the pile up. Make as many tasks as you can as automatic and habitual as brushing your teeth at the same time everyday.

Tip 3: Stop calling yourself a procrastinator

Here’s the deal: If you’ve ever gotten your TPS reports to your boss on time, you’re not a procrastinator. If you wrote a term paper at the last minute, but turned in on time, you’re not a procrastinator. If you get on a plane before they shut the cabin door, you’re not a procrastinator. I want you to stop calling yourself such because negative labels like this are straight-up mean. Own that you love Facebook, long-winded conversations, and TED way too much to do the harder things in life first.  Connection and pleasure first might just be the way you roll. Own it and love it.

Would love to hear how you just say no to procrastination. Share your own tips in the comments.

Be peace, be love,
Jerome!

Q&A Tuesday: How to get comfortable in your own skin

I feel like no matter what I do, I’m measuring up. How can I feel more comfortable in my skin?
    —Lynn

Dear Lynn,
With so much instant access to juicy celebrity gossip, “inspirational” stories of jet-owning entrepreneurs, and pictures of drop-dead gorgeous models, it can be really hard to feel like you’ve got the right stuff.

But feeling comfortable in your own skin is a crucial piece of the puzzle when it comes to living the good life. So what to do when that comparison monster is driving you crazy? Tame that sucker—fast! Here’s how:

1. Tune out the “noise”
Turn off House Hunters. Put down Us Weekly. And though I love Mad Men, you can shut it off, too. Turn off any media that results in you feeling bad about your wheels, your crib, your belly, your tail, or your skin. Madison Avenue has an agenda to make you see blemishes that aren’t even there so you’ll part with your money at the expense of loving yourself and others.

2. If you can’t quit comparing, learn how to compare down
Stop comparing yourself to your skinny rich friends who own vacation houses that have guest houses. Compare down (i.e., “it could be worse”), not up, if you want to be happy for the rest of your life.  

3. Flip the script
You already know that it’s not all Madison Avenue or your gorgeous friends’ fault that you’re feeling uncomfortable in your skin. These outside forces just stoke the fire of your own internal dialogue of self-hate (or at least “self-I’m not so great”). Ridding yourself of this is beyond the scope of my soap boxing, but I assure you the turn around is as simple as this: Get in the habit of telling stories that are fueled by self-acceptance and self-love. Then, work on surrounding yourself with others that roll in the same self-accepting and self-loving way.

Flipp’n the Script 101: The External Dialogue
You do subscribe to the “do well to feel good” model, right? If so, this makes it even easier to gather great content for the new stories that you’ll share with the world. If not, think about living your life in a way that you’d want to “brag on.” What I mean here is intentionally living in a way that makes you want to share the feel-good things that happen in your life: how you showed somebody some love, the time you were a real leaning post for someone, how you rescued an old lady’s cat out of a tree. Believe me: You can speak a cultural shift right into existence. (Caveat: self promotion can back fire, so you don’t want to use too many I’s when you testify.)

Flipp’n the Script 601 (grad school style): The Internal Dialogue
Go straight to the self-help section and pick out a book that teaches you to question, challenge, dispute, or observe the tired old script that’s in your head. A few of my favorites are: Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven C. Hayes, PhD; Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns, MD; and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Trust me: You get good at this, and you will change your life forever.

Finally, remember that this isn’t a one-time, silver-bullet solution. 

And that’s okay. Because every time you revisit this discomfort-in-your-skin question, it gives you an opportunity to heal a rash, slough off some dead cells and get flipped into a whole new beautiful script of consciousness. 

Be peace, be love,
Jerome!
 

Serving Others—My April Experiment

I’m halfway through my April Experiment—to serve others instead of being concerned about how others are serving me—and wanted to report on what’s happening for me with it and give you a little background about how these monthly “experiments” came to be.

For the last 15 years or so I’ve been quite disciplined about personal growth and development (yes, I’m a Virgo). Each month I choose a theme or focus to enrich my life and intentionally make the world a better place. Life becomes my teacher; the world becomes a live classroom. I become a more enlightened brother and I have so much fun doing it. 
    
Be Green not Mean
Last month’s experiment was “be green not mean,” through which I established a goal of living a more interpersonally sustainable life. I monitored the release of emotional pollutants and cleaned up all spilled toxins. I said I’m sorry and asked for forgiveness and “claimed the lame” every chance I got. I renegotiated terms of old relationships. I introduced new strategies for engaging my village as a whole (e.g., I chilled on the road rage, traded evening rap for NPR). I was literally rolling carbon neutral with a real shallow foot print by month’s end.
    
This month's personal transformation project (PTP) was borne out of Piers Morgan’s interview with Colin Powell and a seriously good sermon by one of my favorite preachers, Bishop Charles Blake. Both promoted serving others and humility as the utmost important components to good living. Man, they pulled a Madison Avenue stunt without even trying to—enticing me with their description of these principles like one entices folks to purchase a 2012 Audi A7. I wanted! I ordered! 
    
What Would Colin Do?
WWCD—What Would Colin Do—has left me free of taking offense because it’s not about me, or ego. Void of any bitterness and anger, I’ve felt so dang kind, sweet, and “lean” in a mental cleanse sort away. Most of all, I see how much more selfless I could stand to be; I really didn’t know how lame I’d gotten. 
    
But I think the most startling shift in my consciousness in this experiment is the reality that as long as I’m serving with expectations, I’m really not serving others; I’m still clinging to whatever I’m “giving” because I want something in return.

Let’s change the world
I’m as passionate as can be about this PTP stuff. I think it ought to be consumed by all 7 billion of us. And I want you to help me make it happen. If you can think of a better name for PTP, let me hear from you. (Because, you know, if we’re really going to teach the world to change in perfect harmony……we gotta package just right!). And if we do it just right, do realize how many folks’ dreams and passions will come alive and the changes we’ll see in the world? 
So come on. Let’s do this thing—together.

Be peace, be love,
Jerome!
 

How to know whether to stick it out or quit

When things are really, really hard—relationships, job, life—how do you know whether you need to work harder to improve them or it means it's time to make a change?

If you’re Elizabeth Gilbert, you go into a quiet place like your bathroom at 3 a.m. and cry and pray to God for the answers. As unrealistic as it seems, it’s probably true that only God knows the answer to this one, and I’ll be the first to call bull on anybody who says he could answer this one for you.

But what I can suggest with a clear conscious is to follow Rilke’s advice that we love the questions and be patient with all that is unresolved in our hearts. If you are loving the questions, it means you haven’t gotten hijacked by the power of the unpredictable reinforcement schedule. That’s just a fancy name for when you get attached or addicted to something because it doesn’t come to you in a predictable way. It’s how casinos make money hand over fist—you always think you’re going to beat the dealer “next time.” Or for an example a little closer to home: Anyone else willing they get hijacked by the “get mail” button on their email window? This is classic unpredictable reinforcement scheduling at its best; you never know when the email from that guy you met at Starbucks or a big new client is going to be there.

So...should you stay or should you go?
To keep you enlightened and loving the questions, I'll try to channel Ms. Eat Pray Love and offer up a few suggestions:
•If the payoff is too unpredictable, get the heck out out.
•If the relationship no longer challenges you and you’ve long since stopped offering up challenges for the other person, get the heck out.
•If you’ve long had a sense that you’re outgrowing the situation or relationship, get the heck out.
•And if you’ve become a lying, cheating, mean mess, you’ve long been out; go ahead and make it real.

But before you make any decision...
If this post has fired you up to make some big changes in your life, I hope you'll do something important before you send off that resignation letter or tell you man you two "need to have a talk." I invite challenge yourself to accept what the relationship has to offer while you willingly eschew what you wish it would offer. Does that job you're thinking of ditching happily let you take off early if you want to go watch your kid's soccer game? Does your husband cook dinner every night so you can meditate? When you take your ego out of it and get your head out of the clouds (or somewhere else!), you open up an opportunity to keep your soul clean and maintain your soul connection to another.

Here's my bottom line
I believe in keeping your circles from being unbroken (if you can). I believe in doing the often boring and hard work to maintain infrastructure of your relationships (if you can). I believe in living the questions (if you can).

Be peace, be love,
Jerome!
 

Q&A Tuesday: Am I too scared to commit?

Dear Jerome,
I've always lived a lot of places and done a lot of new things workwise, but now that I'm getting older, I worry that I haven't chosen a true path, that I'm afraid of committing. What should I do?
 
Well if there’s a silver lining to your situation it’s this: only privileged folk get to ponder their “true path” because they’ve managed their affairs so well: No student loan debt, no shortage of square feet, no child in rehab, and no spouse who carries his phone into the shower (having fear that you’ll discover something you already suspect). 

It’s funny how high achievement often leaves us feeling bored with our current situation, feeling detached and lifeless, offering courtesy laughs and smiles but never having real fun, and the biggie: feeling like our time and efforts don’t mean crap to anybody.

But I’m going to give it to you straight: Keep on pondering like this and your BMI is gonna sky rocket! In fact, you might already be in the fattening stage that happens right before being sent to the slaughter house, i.e., feeling way too dead on the inside. 

So let’s define true path
When you say “true path,” I hope you know that this is not a path that necessarily feels good, make you look good or is void of suffering. If you want truth, you have to suffer. The wilderness is not air conditioned. You have to work a lot of late hours. There’s no yoga-in-the-middle-of-the-day here.

That’s right: True paths come at the cost. You have to shed pride, arrogance, self assassination and self hate. 

But I live and encourage others to live in a way that there is something transcendent achieved in all their efforts. That is, if others are elevated or uplifted as a function of your current path, you’ve chosen a true path. Going into debt to be a social worker or a teacher can mean you’ve chosen a path with fruits greater than the debt, a path that yields a gift that keeps on giving. 
 
Now on to this afraid of committing thing
The “afraid of committing” piece is probably the most dangerous thing you mentioned because it just wreaks of stagnation. And it’s the highest caloric and least healthy stunt you’re pulling.

But wait. Don’t go buy bigger clothes. There is a solution to this.  

•If you’re really ballsy, hope for a crisis. Greatness is born only out of tragedy and crises. You don’t just decide to be great, you have to “earn” it. A crisis can help resolve your stagnation.

•If you’re not so ballsy, join a cause that involves a crisis, be it Tea Party or Occupy. Just join up with something that yields a product that transcends simply serving your ego.

•Buy a sandbox and invite tons of people over to share with you.  

The point of all of these things is just do something and stop waiting for the right path to come along. If you want to attend one of the Ivys, you have to apply. Your commitment to a path is essentially like applying to life by pulling your thumb out of your you-know-what and detaching from your thoughts.
 
On the other hand, be where you are
I know it’s heartbreaking to think that the life you really want and deserve is out there and you just haven’t found your way to trailhead. I know it’s terribly disappointing to think that where you are today is all you get to have and it is not the path that you were meant to be on. And I know that your heartbreak and disappointment is born out of denial, magical thinking, resistance to reality, and vanity. 

You are on the path that you were meant to be on, so stop tormenting yourself about where you are and bemoaning where you should be. Here are the questions you can ask yourself that will take you out of this funk: Where am I most useful today? Where would the greatest yield be derived from the use of my skill sets? Who is up for a dinner party tonight? Where will commitment to these answers take me? This trumps the path questions because things you can control today don’t give you decision fatigue.  
 
I’ve been called too cynical and suspicious by a few because I just abhor high falutin’ “follow your heart and it will manifest your destiny” talk. And that’s because I firmly believe that the truth is in reality and real love is born out of embracing reality no matter what the reality might be. 

(Remember, nothing great comes easy).

And before you think that you don’t want me as your coach because I ain’t magical enough, I want to make sure you know one important thing: I’m keeping it real because you deserve it and I love you! There’s no deeper truth than that.

Be peace, be love,
Jerome!
 

The number one secret for getting what you want.

No matter whether your hero is Oprah, Steve Jobs or Justin Bieber, all successful people have one in thing in common—they are obsessed. They eat, breathe and sleep whatever they’re into.
And despite the ego-crushing and heartbreaking experiences they inevitably face, they keep on marching on to what they believe to be the promised land. They keep pouring  their heart and soul into publishing that novel, building their cutting-edge business, or trying to bring forth God’s most precious gift—a baby. 

These people are not deterred when they can’t get a venture capitalist to finance their brilliant innovations. 

These people won’t let 65 rejections from agents stop them from shopping for another when it comes to getting what they believe to be most amazing piece of fiction since The Firm (just kidding!) published. 

These young woman go for procedure X, procedure Y, spirulina shakes, aromatherapy, acupuncture—you name it—for years to have a baby. 

These folks are not short on willpower.

And if you ask them how they got it, they’d tell you “I lead with my foot.” 

They know that action precedes motivation in the face of challenges. They’d tell you when you get knocked down, get back up and try another angle. Because they know that you readily accept the rejections and keep on pressing….somewhere else. They tell Epictetus to bug off with his “life is fate” talk. They believe if they build people will come. 

And while many of us believe you only need faith the size of a grain of mustard seed, these folks will tell you you need faith the size of a watermelon. “Never give up, don’t stop believing in your dream” is their mantra and will be yours, too, if you hang out with them enough.  
I know you asked me to weigh in on this, but I had to defer to these people because they have a few things that I don’t. They don’t get hijacked by their amygdalas (your brain’s fear and rage center) as easily as I do, so they don’t obsess and catastrophize about the what ifs.

They also have a healthier belief about competition than I do. These folks welcome competition believing that competition makes them better rather setting the stage for them to “get beat.” They don’t bail on the run when it becomes a race and start walking (like I do).

And probably the biggest difference between me and these folks is they believe in the power of willpower in a way that I just don’t buy into. They are dispositionalists; that is, they attribute their success to their own actions and desires versus situational factors like being at the right place at the right time or knowing the right person who knows the right person, or, most importantly, having the parents that imparted serious DNA smarts and modeled good life skills.
I’m a situationalist to a fault. I believe that there are 10,000 more factors than the things you do that account for success. I believe that no matter how hard you put—or wanna put—the pedal to the metal to get where you wanna go—rain, sleet, snow or tsunami—Mother Nature decides your ETA for you.

So here’s what I think: Somewhere in between the willpower camp and the Mother Nature camp is where you ought to aim. 
I hope whatever you’ve got up your sleeve is something that makes your heart sing or you know for sure will make somebody’s heart sing. Putting the pedal to the metal for something or someone you love is without a doubt the best start in this getting the most out of life, no matter what camp you’re in. 

Speaking of putting the pedal to the metal, remember I’m always willing to use the high-test fuel when it involves YOU. Get in touch and we’ll get things going.

Do I believe in New Year's Resolutions? OMG, yes!

People have been asking me for weeks: Do you believe in New Year’s resolutions? And my answer is a resounding, OMG yes! Self improvement goals, lifestyle changes and what I call personal transformation projects (PTPs) are the activities I live for.

In fact, PTPs are my signature indulgence; my friends always say “What next, Jerome?”, knowing I’m all about doing new things to make my life rich and colorful and a hotbed for learning.

How to build self worth
Another reason I always do New Year’s resolutions is because they’re great at building self worth: Nothing builds self worth like doing what you say you’re going to do. Following through on a goal is like striking gold. You know how much you love to complete your to-do list on Saturday? It’s like that rush to the 10th power. An example of a project that sent me scaling the peaks of the self-worth mountain was my “Running 5 at 5” resolution a few years ago: I resolved to run 5 miles at 5 a.m. no matter the weather. (Most mornings, it’d be just me and the size double-zero women who didn’t need a resolution, just the threat of being a plain old size zero.) Anyway, by 7 a.m., I’d be king of the world, Leonardo DiCaprio-style. Not because of the endorphins, mind you, but because I did what I said I would do.

My resolution for 2018
So what is my New Year’s resolution for 2018? I’ll get to it in a sec, but first a bit of background. When I turned 45, my teacher and mentor, David McMillan, suggested that I’d hit the “high noon point,” the point where my “sun,” my gifts, were hottest they’d ever be. He recommended that from that point on, I focus on giving back to the world. I loved these instructions, and I have worked hard ever since to apply them to my life. And I'm happy to report the good news: I’ve learned is that serving offers up so many more opportunities than taking.

So in 2018, though it may sound funny at first, my resolution is to allow the spirit of Harriet Tubman to awaken in me. I want to guide people through the wilderness and lead them to a place where (with a nod to Martha Beck) they will lose all shackles that bind and be set free from psychological bondage. Throughout the year, I want people to ask me, “What kind of Harriet Tubman stunt did you pull today?”

Let me say this, too: Some folks believe you ought not share the awesome things you’re going to do with your life because after receiving all the strokes up front, you might bail before completing the task (Derek Sivers does a great TED talk on this concept). But needless to say, I believe in sharing great ideas because it offers an opportunity to build community. If others want in, then you’ve got a party! A movement! A revolution!

I'd love to hear how you might allow the spirit of Harriet Tubman to manifest in you this year. How can your own version of the underground railroad benefit others?

Be peace, be love,
Jerome!

Start a revolution: A Dinner Party Revolution!

When you start living a life of Straight Truth, you’ll quickly find you have a desire to shed a lot of those old stories, beliefs and habits that keep you stuck in a rut.

But sometimes it’s hard to see in yourself what’s grist for the mill and what’s dead weight. So why not use our Dinner Party Revolution idea to get to the heart of the matter?

After plating the crab cakes, mustard greens with sweet red pepper, cous cous salad with cantaloupe and cilantro, each guest could take turns posing this to another: “The part of you I’d like to see you ‘pink slip’ is this and the part of you I’d like to see you move to a corner office is that.” Now that would be an amazing party. And I promise everyone will say goodnight feeling more alive than ever.

Some of what I’d imagine you’d hear at the party is:

Jane! 
You need to pink slip the you who claims to be too fat. It’s a lie! Too fat is not who you are (unless you are meaning too phat!). We don’t love you because you’re pretty, we love you because your soul is beautiful. Because when you walk into the room everything changes. Your smile engenders smiles. Your style captivates. The enthusiasm in your voice hooks everyone. What power you have over others? Everyone in your presence has their tail wagging waiting to get patted on the head. Jane, move the you who is too phat to the corner office and never let that “too fat” talk surface again.

Todd! 
You need to pink slip being a wise a$$; it’s not who you are. You’re actually a wise man. In fact, no one has had more life experience and exposure as you. You’re exceptionally gifted in framing of world, and every pearl of wisdom you offer is immensely helpful to all. We all benefit from your talents, and I can’t think of a better person to be in a fox hole with during crises. But be it your sarcasm or your need to be right or have the final word, we approach you with caution. Because when you lead from your head, the relationship with us is dead. Todd, we all know that chances are slim that Oprah will sing the praises our latest innovation or that our dream journals and shaman’s suggestions are magical. We don’t need you to diminish our vision, we need you to do your magic to it by expanding our vision. We want you to be curious, not always so precise because that all-knowing thing you’ve got is what stops you from growing. So move the wise man to the corner office and give the wise ass the pink slip blues.

Susan! 
We know that hating on your parents makes the list of “stuff white people like.” But you’re not even white! And you’re certainly not an innocent. So pink slip the professional victim. Can her. Tell her to go troll somewhere else. Your mother did wrong giving you her undivided attention and overindulging you. She robbed you of the opportunity to decorate your first apartment with used furniture. And even now, she never lets you the struggle with the challenge of finding a sitter on the weekends. When you griping and moaning about all of this it diminishes the real you. You have the most powerful voice of all of us at this table. It resonates throughout the community. Who but you could get an old roller skating rink on the historical register and prevent a tear down? Who got our city’s recycling center going? And who’s responsible for the Save Darfur signs in our front yards along with half the town? So we say to move the professional vixen to the corner office and never kick that faux victim to the curb.
 
Doesn’t this sound like a life-changing party?
Remember: Although what you and your friends can do for one another to promote the real you and discard the fake version is paramount to what I can do for you, I’d love to help you unpack that baggage you’ve been carrying. Let’s work together to sort through the stuff that’s fresh and new so we can unleash the real you that we all love.

Be peace, be love,
Jerome!